When it’s all too much

Have you had or are you having one of those days that you just wish would HURRY UP AND END NOW PLEASE?

The last one I had went something like this:

I got out of bed on very much the wrong side of it and felt grumpy and irritated for no reason, other than it was a Monday. My husband only had to breathe to make me want to shout at him. He left his cereal bowl and tea-cup on the side above the EMPTY dishwasher YET AGAIN, prompting the desire to throw said bowl and cup against the wall (which of course I didn’t. I calmly placed it in the dishwasher myself whilst muttering something about slaves and wondering what his last one died of). My kids were both fractious and out of sorts, arguing over toys and not sharing. Ella had decided that today was the day to discover that screaming really loudly for no good reason was good fun and Ben was getting cross every time she even looked at his toys. They both wanted my undivided attention and anything short of my best Mary Poppins impression was just not going to cut it. My to do list appeared to be growing in front of my eyes with no sign of completing anything on it. The house looked like a hurricane had blown through and smelt like something forgotten at the bottom of the bin.

Now I know none of it is very bad or earth shattering, but when you’re in that place and the day is stretching out ahead of you, it can be very easy to lose perspective and wonder just how your going to make it through to bed time without losing your mind. I wish I could present you with a Mummy’s survival guide to tough days but I haven’t quite figured that one out yet. What I can offer you are some great tips that have been given to me whilst I was in the middle of my stormy days by great friends who knew exactly what it felt like to be in my shoes.

1) Be Real. You and I are only human and we are allowed to have days when we just don’t get it together very well and feel cross and grumpy. In the last few months my family and I have had many days of feeling out of sorts and tired for no reason other than coping with day-to-day life after an international move. We had to implement a new rule where we would tell each other that we were grumpy but not allowed to make it anyone else’s problem. We’ve noticed that just by stating it, we help each other to break the bad mood and look for ways to cheer each other up. I’m not saying it works every time but it has helped.

2) Get out of the house. My friends from the UK will testify to the fact that when we were having snarky days in the UK, no matter what the weather, I would bundle the kids up and get out for a change of scenery. It always worked for us at the time. We got cold, wet and sometimes snowed on, but that added to the fun of running to get home and get warm and cosy again.

3) Pause the to-do list for ten minutes and just get silly. For me this involves chasing my kids around pretending to be a monster and tickling them. I always feel better when I hear them shrieking with laughter and it reminds me to lighten up and relax.

4) Plan some quality time for yourself as soon as you can. You may not be able to do it that afternoon or evening or even the next day, but plan something in that you love doing and stick to it. This could be as simple as reading a book in bed after the kids are settled for the night, or going running on your own (sorry, but I had to get that in somewhere didn’t I!). I know it’s hard to carve out time and not feel guilty for taking it for yourself. But if you don’t make time for yourself, no-one else will. I long for the day that my kids say to me, ‘Hey mum, you’re looking tired. Why don’t you put your feet up for an hour and I’ll make you a cuppa’. It’s going to happen, I know it will…..one day……

Life BC (Before Children)

I’m embarrassed to say that I wasn’t really keen on children before I had my own, in fact I had nothing in common with women who chose to be mums. Thinking back I didn’t really notice mums walking down the street, proudly rubbing their large baby-bump or pushing a sparkling new pram. Generally, the only time I would notice mothers was when they a). allowed their off-spring get in my way b). let their baby cry without immediately stopping it, and c). permit an episode of kicking and screaming near to my personal space.

It was very much ‘them’ and ‘us’. Well, ‘them and ‘me’ really, as I seemed to be the only person who’d scowl at a child for absolutely no reason at all.

From what I could gather, these women, these mothers, adored their little, snotty, noisy, embarrassing and demanding children unconditionally.  I didn’t understand that some women really love babies and have a desire to start a family, but this certainly wasn’t me. Surely children were just an inconvenience, preventing you from a successful career, a happy marriage and endless late nights out on the town? How could having children compare with this perfect life-style that I had and gave me all I needed?

Then in 2006, I joined this unfamiliar and very strange section of society as I held my daughter in my arms for the first time. I fell totally in love with her, an indescribable, immense love, incomparable to anything else ever experienced or imagined. The love a mother has for her child is extraordinary, life changing and lasts forever.

It now gives me a lovely warm feeling inside when I see an expectant mother waddle down the high-street, or a new mummy pushing a pram on it’s maiden voyage (as I take a sneaky peak at the little bundle of joy inside), and I now share a wonderful bond with mothers who have similar aged children to my own.

The Busy Mummy is a place where we all have a connection, it’s a place to share and smile (and sometimes sigh – we aren’t perfect!) with others who have changed or fulfilled their chosen path.

Has your perception and opinion of Motherhood changed since you became a mum?